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Wow I have actually got quite a lot of response to both layouts mentioned below. The majorty seems to be in favour for A which I also kinda have a slight preference for, so that is the one I'm going to use (until I change my mind next time). Thanks for the input all :)
Typed by Sara . on 12:13 AM - Link - Comments

Friday, June 15

I'm trying to redesign my personal space, because what is there is way too cutesy and not really me at all. I've come up with a basic design which I really like but I'm not sure which one to choose.


Layout A


Layout B

*nudging Mousie* What do you think?
Typed by Sara . on 1:56 PM - Link - Comments

Thursday, June 14

No AORTAL link today. We have had much thunder and rain which has kept me offline most of the day doing non computer related things.
Typed by Sara . on 11:39 PM - Link - Comments

This entry by Bonni about the level of rudeness some people achieve when being online made me think. In the 5 or six years I have been online I have only encountered rudeness and being flamed from two people. One of them I fought an all out fight with and we're friends who crosses eachother paths every so often. The other person is a completely different story. We are just imcompatible and have each other in killfiles and various other filters because we cannot just stop it and ignore. I'm not sure why it is like that, but it's one of those cases I don't think can find a solution.

Anyway, I really wanted to say something else. In those years I have been online I have never encountered anything negative in regards to my various webpages. For the most I'm having a really hard time getting response from anyone but a few select online buddies, who knows me well enough not to ignore my spinnings for too long. I don't know if it's because I'm not interesting enough, too mundane, am scaring people away, not understood or just plainly haven't done anything which justifies any replies.

Things are starting to turn around a little bit after I have been blogging for a while now, but it's mostly my graphics site. It get more hits than ever, but I never hear anything from anyone about anything on that page. I don't know if people like what they find there, hate it, steal it, tamper with it (like they're not supposed to do) or what the heck they're doing. Some days I am very tempted to pull the sets offline so people have to write to me and request them. Would be nice to get an idea bout just how many is using my sets and how they're using them.
Typed by Sara . on 11:37 PM - Link - Comments

Adrith makes a whole lot of sense when she writes about the 169 candles.
Typed by Sara . on 2:06 AM - Link - Comments

Has anyone of you taking Zyban experienced that you feel fuller much faster? I'm asking because the last couple of days I can hardly eat anything before feeling like I've been eating way too much. A piece of toast will last me half the day. I know it said in the info paper I got, that loosing weight could be one side effect, but I didn't really count on it since I gained so much while on Paxil and the other one which I cannnot remember the name on right now.

Before I forget the smoking issue which was why I got Zyban in hte first place :) I'm down to 5 or 6 a day from a pack or more, so it is going the right way and the cravings are not bad either :)
Typed by Sara . on 1:54 AM - Link - Comments

Wednesday, June 13

I heart my Zonealarm. Seems like the hoardes are out in great numbers, at least if I'm to believe all the attempts to get into our machine that Zonealarm has stopped the last couple of days. Really makes me look forward until the scriptkiddies gets back to school.
Typed by Sara . on 8:46 PM - Link - Comments

I don't know what I was thinking when giving "New Horizons" a semi country look. I love the style, but it just doesn't fit the page at all. I need to come up with something different and something which is much more me. Just one problem. I don't know what is me, since I've been experimenting so much with styles and colors and never taken time to find something which is me and only me.
Typed by Sara . on 7:59 PM - Link - Comments

I have added a page where I'll list all the sites I have linked to as a part of the AORTAL project.
Typed by Sara . on 6:21 PM - Link - Comments

Sorry for the missing graphics (if I'm not the only one not seeing them), but it is out of my control to fix things right now.
Typed by Sara . on 5:54 PM - Link - Comments

The AORTAL link of the day brings you Deer With Horns.
Typed by Sara . on 4:44 PM - Link - Comments

I have added the possibility of making comments. It is just a simple forum from www.bravenet.com until I eventually can find something else. Don't forget to mention which entry you're commenting on, since there is no way to seperate the individual entries with individual posts.
Typed by Sara . on 3:58 PM - Link - Comments

Tuesday, June 12

Ever since I was a little girl I have been dreaming of becoming a mother myself. It is something which has always just been up in the air that I was to become a mother one day. As I got older I started to wake in the night because I thought I heard a babys cry. It was only in my dreams, but I had no doubts that I one day would wake up at night and the cries would be for real. When hubby and I met he told me up front that he had been snipped way back when his second daughter had been born, but it didn't seem to be a problem back then. We even toyed around with alternatives, but didn't make any final decisions because our relationship was still fresh and new. It was not until later when I started to talk about having children, that he said he didn't want anymore which was why he had been snipped in the first place. All of a sudden the cards were different and I was left without saying in this matter.

Somewhere I do feel cheated because I thought that was a subject which was still up for discussion and alternatives, despite him being snipped years ago. In my wildest dreams I hadn't imagined that he would change his mind. I truly believed that we would explore alternatives and make decisions later when our relationship had a little more foundation to build upon, but obviously that was never to be.

The more I hear people talk about how getting pregnant and becoming parents is a total fullfilment of their lives, and how you haven't lived until you have been through a pregnancy/birth and parenthood, the more I feel cheated and the more I'm trying so shot off my own emotions. I have to or I'll continue to feel the longing and how empty that inner space, which has been set aside for that whole experience, really is. I need to make myself numb so I don't feel the pain of being reminded every time I turn on the tv or talk to family. I am not sure if I really can explain the thoughts and the pain. There are times when I feel like I'm going crazy, because I find myself almost on the edge of obsession and jealousy. In the beginning it almost felt like everyone else, who became pregnant, was just doing it to taunt me and to make sure I'll never forget about what isn't to be.

I am still waking up in the night thinking I heard a child cry. I am still hoping that someday it will not just be a dream. I am still hoping that a miracle will happen. I am still hoping that viable alternatives will become avaliable before it is too late and I am still in search of those alternatives.
Typed by Sara . on 11:07 PM - Link - Comments

The Lynx Viewer is a real eyeopener for those of us spending way too much time online creating various webpages.
Typed by Sara . on 3:06 PM - Link - Comments

Breeder accused of hanging six dogs in his garage and I hope he get to stay every minute of his sentence when he gets it.
Typed by Sara . on 11:49 AM - Link - Comments

Todays Aortal link is Susanne's Dream. Not only is she a great friend of mine, but also a very talented artist and mother. She has recently gone back to school to learn programming and programming for the web. I'm in total awe of her taking on a task like that.
Typed by Sara . on 9:58 AM - Link - Comments

I was hoping to get a link button up in support of AORTAL - the anti-portal, but Blogger seems to be having problems (again) displaying templates, so it'll have to wait until later.
Typed by Sara . on 2:06 AM - Link - Comments

Monday, June 11

I'm seriously thinking of getting away with what I call my personal site (New Horizons). I hardly ever update it and no one hardly ever visit it anymore. I am way too busy with this blog as well as my graphics pages. Of course if I was actually able to have all the different pages in one place I might get around to update them every now and then, since they would always sit there as a reminder when uploading to other sections. Right now I don't even notice the pages are there.
Typed by Sara . on 7:31 PM - Link - Comments

Sometimes it is so hard not to give in and just say to heck with it all., but it doesn't bring me any closer to the fulfillment of my dreams. What's even worse for me is, that I tend to not see the positive and good other people are doing. Almost like I am choosing to hurt instead of sitting back letting the healing work of others do their work. *sigh* One of these days I'll learn to recieve without asking questions and doubting every move.
Typed by Sara . on 5:35 PM - Link - Comments

Ok looks like it works overall. Still a few things I need to get done here and there, and I need to get the archive and reads page uploaded.
Typed by Sara . on 4:16 PM - Link - Comments

My male cat (snipped and all) has this habbit that he want's me to rub the root of his tale before he can eat. If I'm not fast enough to follow orders he'll sit there with a real potty mouth letting me know what he thinks of me. A little stinker is what he is, but a cute one at that :)
Typed by Sara . on 2:31 PM - Link - Comments

It's the first day of real summer here in my part of Iowa. 90 degrees before noon and a level of humidity looking like it'll run out of control pretty soon. Should give some really interesting weather this afternoon/night :)
Typed by Sara . on 2:28 PM - Link - Comments

Sunday, June 10

I'm starting to think he doesn't want me to work, that he doesn't want me to get out and about. Why the hell isn't he telling me that instead of just dragging the whole process out to last as long as possible to where I have no clue what is going on or where we're moving to. Things would be a whole lot easier to deal with if I knew what the heck he was/is expecting of me. The only face to face contact I have had with real people since I got over here is when he is home or when we're down visiting the girls, all other contact I have is online. No wonder my mind is so screwed up these days. If only he would tell me..

I guess no-one believes one word of what Im writing here, but I don't really care anymore if anyone cares about this individual and her need for reall human interaction.
Typed by Sara . on 11:03 PM - Link - Comments

Thank you all for the birthday wishes (am not going to name names cause I'll probably forget a few). :) A great and quiet day was had.
Typed by Sara . on 1:52 AM - Link - Comments

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