Saturday, June 30
When posting this entry I have chosen not to smoke for 6 Days 2 Hours 1 Minute 10 Seconds. Cigarettes not smoked: 121.6829. Money saved: $15.21036. :)
Sara wrote on 2:01 AM - Link - Comments
Friday, June 29
Lately I have had some very disturbing search requests for New Horizons. I don't want to repeat them here, because I don't like getting associated with those particular terms. Just makes me wonder how the heck terms like that can be put in connection with a site so down to earth and with absolutely no controversial content. The mind boggles.
Sara wrote on 6:06 PM - Link - Comments
The web is acting weird, very weird. Links which were working an hour ago are now going to the wrong places or look like they have completely wanished from th face of the earth. I wonder of my ISP is having problems with their routing tables or whatever it is called.
Sara wrote on 10:03 AM - Link - Comments
I am totally in love with the Dragons of Michael Whelan.
Sara wrote on 9:27 AM - Link - Comments
At first it seemed like such a big obstacle, then it got easier and I wasn't thinking, then I realised that I wasn't thinking and started to think and then the cravings came back. I am on day 5 of not smoking and I have just pulled an allnighter where I normally would smoke like a dirty chimney, but didn't do it this time. It is getting easier to not think about it all the time as I slowly learn new ways and distractions to keep me busy. I'm discovering how much time I was using to smoke, time where I now can do other more interesting things. It feels good and I really like being able to breathe a little bit better day by day.
Sara wrote on 8:24 AM - Link - Comments
Thursday, June 28
Ahhh this looks much better. Not that I didn't like the other one, but I needed to change something and this was the place which wouldn't take a whole lot of work and drive me nuts before it's done :)
I am on Day 4 and counting and things are still great. Haven't thought about having a cig until I started to write this. I'm not sure I'll be able to keep up the fairly fast pace I've set for myself as distraction. One can only do so much housework before things gets boring.
Sara wrote on 6:53 PM - Link - Comments
This one might be old and well known, but it's still funny and I needed a laugh today :)
Sara wrote on 4:16 PM - Link - Comments
Am I really the only one left who isn't or hasn't been playing "The Sims"? I sometimes feel like an alien when I see people talking about that game, how they did this or that and made these or those extra stuff for the game. Please tell me that I'm not the only one. As it is right now I'll probably get around to try the game sometime next year when everyone else is playing something else. I always seems to be at least a year behind everyone else.
Sara wrote on 12:47 PM - Link - Comments
Wednesday, June 27
Horney little bugger. No matter how delightful you're trying to make yourself look I ain't going to hump you. A spay is in your future.
Sara wrote on 9:08 PM - Link - Comments
That was those 50 MB. Never thought I would be able to use that much space and now it isn't enough for me.
Sara wrote on 8:48 PM - Link - Comments
Day 3 and counting :) Things are starting to settle into a routine here. Hubby asked if he should leave a cigarette for me when he left, but I said no and I have no regrets doing it. I think the worst time for me right now is the mornings even though I never had a cig right out of bed. It will get easier and the Zyban really is helping taking the top of the cravings.
Sara wrote on 4:46 PM - Link - Comments
Tuesday, June 26
Yesterday was the date I had set as my quit date for smoking. It wasn't so terrible bad because I managed to keep myself busy most of day and getting caught up on sleep.. Today it is a little harder to ignore though. The cravings are really not that bad, but somehow my body is still screaming for the bloody nicotine. For some reason I feel it mostly in the muscles of my arms. Makes for some really interesting typos and selctions in PSP *g*
Sara wrote on 2:05 PM - Link - Comments
Monday, June 25
ARGGGGGGGG Anyone's got a kitty sized straight jacket? She is all over the damn place while meowing like I've never heard her before. Oh yeah she also sat down in the middle of a pile of clothes and peed on 'em. Darn I hate doing laundry, specially when it's so hot and humid as it is here right now and I can't do it at night because we're in an apartment complex. *they're coming to take me away haha....* And I want a cigeratte so bad....
Sara wrote on 9:46 PM - Link - Comments
I think I'll just sit in a corner and cry. When I run out of space at the smg_designs.tripod.com account there is nowhere else to host my site (that I know of and haven't tried already). So either I'll stop updating and let it sit there as a reminder about dying and dead dot coms or I'll pull it completely offline. People have offered serverspace on their domains in the past, but I really prefer to have my own place, where I can experiment and play around without having to worry about using someone elses bandwidth, but the thought is nice and I'm grateful for the offers I have gotten through the times.
Why am I writing all of this now? I was testing out Topcities.com where I have my personal pages because they have the option about either inline or popup banners but the popup banners is about twice as big as the inline banners and they don't jump behind but stay up front :( Of course I could go with inline banners but that limits the kind of layouts I can do since inline banners pushes everything down. Won't look good if you have all margins set to zero. Damn. I knew it was getting close, but not this close.
Sara wrote on 2:28 AM - Link - Comments
Sunday, June 24
I've just finished redoing New Horizons and it is much better fitting of my personality. I think I might be able to keep that layout/graphics for a while. Now I need to figure out how to get the gallery and graphics page moved over.
Sara wrote on 1:49 PM - Link - Comments
Friday, June 22
Ick! I'm sitting here trying to finish the sketches for a new font I've been working on and off for a while and the neighbor in the next apartment building over is making something which almost sounds like the drill of a dentist. Ick!! Makes it very hard to concentrate. Did I mention that I don't like dentists?
Sara wrote on 7:50 PM - Link - Comments
Wow html compliant spam in my inbox. That's a new one, not the spam but that it's html compliant.
Sara wrote on 2:44 PM - Link - Comments
Thursday, June 21
There is news in the gallery tonight. She's a bluish version of a poser elf like creature I'm working on. Still lots of work to do on the full colored one.
Sara wrote on 9:49 PM - Link - Comments
Ignorant people *enough said*
Sara wrote on 6:38 PM - Link - Comments
Have you ever gotten one of those emails from a close relative where just reading the subject makes your heart pound thinking that something really, really bad has happened? I did today from my brother with a subject line saying something like "Bad news in Denmark". It got my mine going from zero to 100 faster than any car can do it, because to me the only kind of bad news I can get from Denmark would be the death of my mother. However that wasn't the case this time. It turns out that my brother had had an accident at work and had have broken a few bones in one of his feet. He'll be out of commission for at least 4 weeks. And, as he said, because this happened so close to vacation time (forced one), he'll most likely get those 3 weeks at a later date when he want them. Lucky bastard, but I'm still going to "kill" him for scaring me like that *g*
Sara wrote on 1:22 PM - Link - Comments
Wednesday, June 20
Jema is talking about insults and that made me think. Do you have a favorite insult or insulting saying that you like to use?
Mine is two which I got from my brother way back in time.
May your ass itch and your arms be too short.
May your socks shrink.
Not really insults or at least not insults which really can be taken too seriously *g*
Sara wrote on 8:24 AM - Link - Comments
Looksee who managed to sneak in :)
This is the kritter which managed to convert me from being strictly a d*g type of person to be a cat person. The blanket used to be his favorite until we got a quilt for the livingroom a couple of weeks ago. He haven't moved many feet from it since then :)
Sara wrote on 8:17 AM - Link - Comments
A few minor updates/uploads has been made to SMG Design, which again have taken the alotted amount of space close to the max. I really got to find another solution or place to put the graphics page. Will probably end up putting it together with my personal page, since I have 150 MB's over there and I've only used about 6 of them until now.
Sara wrote on 7:41 AM - Link - Comments
Tuesday, June 19
I was just going through the list of blogs/journals to see what each of them was or wan't up to and somehow I've got that uneasy feeling about quite a few of them. I cannot explain just what it means, just a feeling of something about to go terribly wrong in one way or another.
Sara wrote on 3:49 PM - Link - Comments
Monday, June 18
It bites waking up with a nightmare just a couple of hours after you have gone to bed. I don't know what I was dreaming, just that I woke up scared sh*itless. At least it was good for something. I finally have a CSS template for my personal page working in all browsers which also is html compliant according to W3.org. When those pages finally have been converted "In the blink of an eye.." is next. Right now the validator reports so many errors that it's a miracle it's displaying at all *g*
Sara wrote on 8:01 AM - Link - Comments
Coding, coding, soding. Why does is have to be so darn problematic. I finally get an idea for something original( at least to me) and then I cannot get the sh*t to work the way I want it. While I'm at it I also hate doing introductions on a page. I never know what to say. If the other idea had worked I would have been around that problem quite easily.
Sara wrote on 2:20 AM - Link - Comments
Sunday, June 17
This is the pain I'm afraid to numb in fear of not being able to feel at all.
Sara wrote on 10:38 PM - Link - Comments
Hmmm html comment tags are not good to use with blogger. *darn*
Sara wrote on 8:27 PM - Link - Comments
I have gotten some reactions to the piece I wrote about pregnancy and the outlook of never becoming a mother. Many reactions have been from people who are wishing a successful outcome (ie that I do manage to beome a mother). But there will never be a successful outcome unless the present possiblities are expanded greatly.
Sara wrote on 8:25 PM - Link - Comments
If I had gotten Zyban/Wellbutrin for depression and not to stop smoking I would have been off the by now. My mood is misrable. Going from highs to lows etc. At least I am familiar with it. *sigh*
Sara wrote on 8:17 PM - Link - Comments
Just call me a glutton for punishment. I downloaded the Opera browser so I can get an even better idea about what the different pages look like. Not too bad, but but not good either. Looks like I have to make a little bit of tweaking here and there to make it look almost the same in IE, NN and Opera.
Sara wrote on 2:43 PM - Link - Comments
AORTAL link of the day: Pristine is the home of a gentle soul, a warriors personality and a good friend.
Sara wrote on 12:34 PM - Link - Comments
Saturday, June 16
Wow I have actually got quite a lot of response to both layouts mentioned below. The majorty seems to be in favour for A which I also kinda have a slight preference for, so that is the one I'm going to use (until I change my mind next time). Thanks for the input all :)
Sara wrote on 12:13 AM - Link - Comments
Friday, June 15
I'm trying to redesign my personal space, because what is there is way too cutesy and not really me at all. I've come up with a basic design which I really like but I'm not sure which one to choose.
*nudging Mousie* What do you think?
Sara wrote on 1:56 PM - Link - Comments
Thursday, June 14
No AORTAL link today. We have had much thunder and rain which has kept me offline most of the day doing non computer related things.
Sara wrote on 11:39 PM - Link - Comments
This entry by Bonni about the level of rudeness some people achieve when being online made me think. In the 5 or six years I have been online I have only encountered rudeness and being flamed from two people. One of them I fought an all out fight with and we're friends who crosses eachother paths every so often. The other person is a completely different story. We are just imcompatible and have each other in killfiles and various other filters because we cannot just stop it and ignore. I'm not sure why it is like that, but it's one of those cases I don't think can find a solution.
Anyway, I really wanted to say something else. In those years I have been online I have never encountered anything negative in regards to my various webpages. For the most I'm having a really hard time getting response from anyone but a few select online buddies, who knows me well enough not to ignore my spinnings for too long. I don't know if it's because I'm not interesting enough, too mundane, am scaring people away, not understood or just plainly haven't done anything which justifies any replies.
Things are starting to turn around a little bit after I have been blogging for a while now, but it's mostly my graphics site. It get more hits than ever, but I never hear anything from anyone about anything on that page. I don't know if people like what they find there, hate it, steal it, tamper with it (like they're not supposed to do) or what the heck they're doing. Some days I am very tempted to pull the sets offline so people have to write to me and request them. Would be nice to get an idea bout just how many is using my sets and how they're using them.
Sara wrote on 11:37 PM - Link - Comments
Has anyone of you taking Zyban experienced that you feel fuller much faster? I'm asking because the last couple of days I can hardly eat anything before feeling like I've been eating way too much. A piece of toast will last me half the day. I know it said in the info paper I got, that loosing weight could be one side effect, but I didn't really count on it since I gained so much while on Paxil and the other one which I cannnot remember the name on right now.
Before I forget the smoking issue which was why I got Zyban in hte first place :) I'm down to 5 or 6 a day from a pack or more, so it is going the right way and the cravings are not bad either :)
Sara wrote on 1:54 AM - Link - Comments
Wednesday, June 13
I heart my Zonealarm. Seems like the hoardes are out in great numbers, at least if I'm to believe all the attempts to get into our machine that Zonealarm has stopped the last couple of days. Really makes me look forward until the scriptkiddies gets back to school.
Sara wrote on 8:46 PM - Link - Comments
I don't know what I was thinking when giving "New Horizons" a semi country look. I love the style, but it just doesn't fit the page at all. I need to come up with something different and something which is much more me. Just one problem. I don't know what is me, since I've been experimenting so much with styles and colors and never taken time to find something which is me and only me.
Sara wrote on 7:59 PM - Link - Comments
I have added a page where I'll list all the sites I have linked to as a part of the AORTAL project.
Sara wrote on 6:21 PM - Link - Comments
Sorry for the missing graphics (if I'm not the only one not seeing them), but it is out of my control to fix things right now.
Sara wrote on 5:54 PM - Link - Comments
I have added the possibility of making comments. It is just a simple forum from www.bravenet.com until I eventually can find something else. Don't forget to mention which entry you're commenting on, since there is no way to seperate the individual entries with individual posts.
Sara wrote on 3:58 PM - Link - Comments
Tuesday, June 12
Ever since I was a little girl I have been dreaming of becoming a mother myself. It is something which has always just been up in the air that I was to become a mother one day. As I got older I started to wake in the night because I thought I heard a babys cry. It was only in my dreams, but I had no doubts that I one day would wake up at night and the cries would be for real. When hubby and I met he told me up front that he had been snipped way back when his second daughter had been born, but it didn't seem to be a problem back then. We even toyed around with alternatives, but didn't make any final decisions because our relationship was still fresh and new. It was not until later when I started to talk about having children, that he said he didn't want anymore which was why he had been snipped in the first place. All of a sudden the cards were different and I was left without saying in this matter.
Somewhere I do feel cheated because I thought that was a subject which was still up for discussion and alternatives, despite him being snipped years ago. In my wildest dreams I hadn't imagined that he would change his mind. I truly believed that we would explore alternatives and make decisions later when our relationship had a little more foundation to build upon, but obviously that was never to be.
The more I hear people talk about how getting pregnant and becoming parents is a total fullfilment of their lives, and how you haven't lived until you have been through a pregnancy/birth and parenthood, the more I feel cheated and the more I'm trying so shot off my own emotions. I have to or I'll continue to feel the longing and how empty that inner space, which has been set aside for that whole experience, really is. I need to make myself numb so I don't feel the pain of being reminded every time I turn on the tv or talk to family. I am not sure if I really can explain the thoughts and the pain. There are times when I feel like I'm going crazy, because I find myself almost on the edge of obsession and jealousy. In the beginning it almost felt like everyone else, who became pregnant, was just doing it to taunt me and to make sure I'll never forget about what isn't to be.
I am still waking up in the night thinking I heard a child cry. I am still hoping that someday it will not just be a dream. I am still hoping that a miracle will happen. I am still hoping that viable alternatives will become avaliable before it is too late and I am still in search of those alternatives.
Sara wrote on 11:07 PM - Link - Comments
The Lynx Viewer is a real eyeopener for those of us spending way too much time online creating various webpages.
Sara wrote on 3:06 PM - Link - Comments
Todays Aortal link is Susanne's Dream. Not only is she a great friend of mine, but also a very talented artist and mother. She has recently gone back to school to learn programming and programming for the web. I'm in total awe of her taking on a task like that.
Sara wrote on 9:58 AM - Link - Comments
I was hoping to get a link button up in support of AORTAL - the anti-portal, but Blogger seems to be having problems (again) displaying templates, so it'll have to wait until later.
Sara wrote on 2:06 AM - Link - Comments
Monday, June 11
I'm seriously thinking of getting away with what I call my personal site (New Horizons). I hardly ever update it and no one hardly ever visit it anymore. I am way too busy with this blog as well as my graphics pages. Of course if I was actually able to have all the different pages in one place I might get around to update them every now and then, since they would always sit there as a reminder when uploading to other sections. Right now I don't even notice the pages are there.
Sara wrote on 7:31 PM - Link - Comments
Sometimes it is so hard not to give in and just say to heck with it all., but it doesn't bring me any closer to the fulfillment of my dreams. What's even worse for me is, that I tend to not see the positive and good other people are doing. Almost like I am choosing to hurt instead of sitting back letting the healing work of others do their work. *sigh* One of these days I'll learn to recieve without asking questions and doubting every move.
Sara wrote on 5:35 PM - Link - Comments
Ok looks like it works overall. Still a few things I need to get done here and there, and I need to get the archive and reads page uploaded.
Sara wrote on 4:16 PM - Link - Comments
My male cat (snipped and all) has this habbit that he want's me to rub the root of his tale before he can eat. If I'm not fast enough to follow orders he'll sit there with a real potty mouth letting me know what he thinks of me. A little stinker is what he is, but a cute one at that :)
Sara wrote on 2:31 PM - Link - Comments
It's the first day of real summer here in my part of Iowa. 90 degrees before noon and a level of humidity looking like it'll run out of control pretty soon. Should give some really interesting weather this afternoon/night :)
Sara wrote on 2:28 PM - Link - Comments
Sunday, June 10
I'm starting to think he doesn't want me to work, that he doesn't want me to get out and about. Why the hell isn't he telling me that instead of just dragging the whole process out to last as long as possible to where I have no clue what is going on or where we're moving to. Things would be a whole lot easier to deal with if I knew what the heck he was/is expecting of me. The only face to face contact I have had with real people since I got over here is when he is home or when we're down visiting the girls, all other contact I have is online. No wonder my mind is so screwed up these days. If only he would tell me..
I guess no-one believes one word of what Im writing here, but I don't really care anymore if anyone cares about this individual and her need for reall human interaction.
Sara wrote on 11:03 PM - Link - Comments
Thank you all for the birthday wishes (am not going to name names cause I'll probably forget a few). :) A great and quiet day was had.
Sara wrote on 1:52 AM - Link - Comments
Saturday, June 9
Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday dear me, happy birthday to me :)
Sara wrote on 10:44 AM - Link - Comments
Friday, June 8
I think I need to stop making tubes for my graphics page for a while, or at least I should stop uploading them. I just moved some stuff around, but this week alone I think I've uploaded what I initially had saved by the redesign. Argg.
Sara wrote on 11:30 PM - Link - Comments
I'm beginning to feel that soon it will be time to panic. Rest of it deleted since it's just the same old stuff which never is going to change anyway.
Sara wrote on 8:29 PM - Link - Comments
I downloaded Uleads PhotoImpact because I needed something new and almost unknown to play with. I am impressed by the possibilities I see in the program, but I don't know if it something I want to invest in since I do have PSP already. Ofcourse it would be nice to be able to cross create for both programs. Hmmm......
Sara wrote on 6:51 PM - Link - Comments
Jeff writes about his experiences with Zyban/Wellbutrin. The chance of gaining weight isn't new to me, because that is what happened when I was on Paxil a few years back so most of the possible side effects are known to me (I've most likely had 'em too). I just hope that I won't gain as much weight this time (if at all) as I did with Paxil, but who knows I might turn out to loose some instead :)
Sara wrote on 1:41 PM - Link - Comments
Reblogger is a new alternative to Blogvoices. Might be worth looking into.
Sara wrote on 1:27 PM - Link - Comments
Thursday, June 7
Mousie was the only one curious enough to make a guess to my little mini quiz below. She thought it was the one about only having two pairs of shoes, but that is not it. The false one was the one saying that the shortest amount of time I have ever held a job is 60 minutes. The shortest amount is 45 minutes. I had just graduated gradeschool and had gotten a job (Through the unemployment agency) in a clothing store at the middle of Copenhagen. I never figured out what I did or didn't do, but after 45 min I was fired and was free to walk. I didn't even get paid for the time I was there. I did later get a job where I stayed for more than a year, until I decided that highschool was the way to go for me unless I wanted to sink deeper into the sump.
Sara wrote on 9:11 PM - Link - Comments
I didn't even think that the medical insurance wouldn't cover the Zyban with just the co-pay as it does with everything else, but Bob came home tonight and gave me the news. F*cking hurrah for that. $80 out of our own pocket is what we have to pay, but the insurance will gladly cover medication and treatments for illness, injuries etc caused by smoking. Go figure they won't save money by helping me stop smoking. Ahh well it's just a matter of getting the doc to change the prescription from Zyban to Wellbutrin and we'll have just the co-pay to worry about. At least we can't blame Aethna this time, but extremely bad contract planning at Bobs employer.
Sara wrote on 2:30 AM - Link - Comments
At first I laughed, but cried when I got back home because of the irony of the the doctor spending time telling me about that particular sideeffect of Zyban. Right now it doesn't matter whether the meds suppresses those certain things or not, since he haven't been interested for a long while now (years not weeks). Was that more than you ever wanted to know about me?
Sara wrote on 12:18 AM - Link - Comments
Wednesday, June 6
Somewhere I have nagging feeling that McVeigh knew about those missing papers all the time, but where waiting to just the right time to start playing his cards. Why else would anyone sane (I don't know if he is or not) forsake all his rights back when he said he wouldn't appeal etc. It was too easy for him to do, because he knew (of course I don't know if he actually did).
Sara wrote on 10:39 PM - Link - Comments
Just talked with my mom on the phone and she sounded really good. :) I got to wish her a belated happy birthday. (I know should have done it on the day, but...)
Sara wrote on 10:03 AM - Link - Comments
My heart is breaking for Tiffany. Eventhough our situations are very different I can still identify with some of the thoughts and concerns she is writing about.
Sara wrote on 8:37 AM - Link - Comments
Tuesday, June 5
Since everyone else is doing it, why not me :)
01. I am not an American.
02. I only own 2 pairs of shoes.
03. I don't have a drivers license.
04. I haven't held a job for more than a year.
05. I didn't see my dad the last 5 years before he died.
06. I am extremely shy.
07. My shortest job experience lasted for 60 minutes.
08. I have moved more than 15 times.
09. I love thunder and lightning.
10. I have been taken to court by my dad.
9 of them is true and one false, but which one? Mail Me with your guess.
Sara wrote on 5:14 PM - Link - Comments
Reminder to self: Do some online research for the new meds.
Sara wrote on 2:54 PM - Link - Comments
Had a followup with the doc today regarding the allergies/breathing thing and I came out of the office with even more stuff to add to the daily intake. But hopefully they will not be a pernanent fixture in my daily routine. Zyban should be able to fix that *crossing fingers* I have set a date at a month from now, cos I couldn't do it cold turkey as I was trying to.
Sara wrote on 2:52 PM - Link - Comments
Monday, June 4
SMG design is finally done. Took long enough, but I think it will be easier to handle in the future.
Sara wrote on 7:44 PM - Link - Comments
This Google Search showed up in my referrers and I'm not sure if I should laugh or cry, eventhough I did mention it in one of my posts.
Sara wrote on 3:07 PM - Link - Comments
Right now I am busy doing what I should have done on my graphics page a long, long time ago but I never expected it to grow to the size it has, so I didn't think it was needed. I am talking about an even more tight and narrow organizing of presets, tiles, sets, tubes etc. It's a lot of work and I might have to divide it in two to make room for everything, since I'm almost out of space at the present Tripod account, except that I don't really need yet another account to the many I have already. Would be nice if I could keep everything in one place.
Sara wrote on 1:03 PM - Link - Comments
Sunday, June 3
I'm back, or at least I think I am. Now I just need to get back to the normal scheduled routine, so we can have something resembling a life. It's nice being out and about and having visitors, but I do also like that things continues as normal which they haven't exactly been doing for the last 10 days or so.
Hubby and I have had a dream about building our own place in a very certain spot, which fortunately are avaliable to us, but last weekend we found out that it might not be so for very much longer. Not unless we're willing to pay the kind of money, introducing a riverboat and casino to an area is demanding. Two years ago the place was assesed to about $70 or $80.000, but two years later it is more than $145.000 for a piece of land with a small house in a backwoods area consisting mostly of hillside, very hard clay, rock and sinkholes somewhere along the Ohio river. It kinda feels like seeing a dream, a dream which was within reach, slip away really, really fast and I'm beginning to think that hubby and I will forever be doomed to living in rental units for the rest of our lives. Not that there is anything wrong with rental units, but neither us is very fond of city apartment living. We would very much like to be in a place wheer we don't have to worry about blowing out the next door neighbors windows every time either one of us farts. For now that dream has been put on hold indifinite.
Sara wrote on 10:30 AM - Link - Comments